In the mood for some peanut butter cookies.... try this:

3 C. all purpose flour

1 tsp salt

1 tsp baking powder

1 C (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

1 C creamy or crunchy peanut butter (crunchy is best)

2 tsp vanilla extract (I add a dash more)

1 C packed golden brown sugar

1 C sugar (white and brown sugar can be substituted for equal parts Splenda)

2 Large eggs (I added 1 extra egg to moisten up recipe)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large bowl mix: flour, baking powder and salt. In another bowl using electric mixer combine: butter, peanut butter and vanilla extract until creamy. Stir in half the dry ingredients until blended then add the remaining half. Blend well.

Roll into 1" balls and flatten with a fork in a criss cross pattern. Bake for 10-13 minutes depending on oven. Keep an eye on them, they will not appear done. Bottoms will be firm to lift when finished. Let cool on wire rack. Bakes about 3 dozen

*** Recipe is available on several sites on the internet. I differ mine slightly. You can also add: chocolate or white chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, honey or cinnamon to make it your own recipe. Experiment to find your family's favorite!!

Enjoy

A Tornado Warning has been issued for.......

Goddard field in Alcoa..... Sound you be in the path of the Tornadoes, seek shelter immediately!!! Here is a tribute to my beloved Tornadoes as they make a path of destruction all the way to Tennessee Tech again for the State Championship. 7 in a row baby!!!

Too Hype ........

Friday night football, boys of fall and we're going for 7 in a row. Goin to Tech, playin' some ball and bringin' home what is rightfully ours.

We got Buck and Steve-O and Darrell on the carry, ain't nobody stoppin' them.

Don't forget Hambrick cuz I know we wont.... bet Maryville remembers him.

We bring the O-Line AND Defense, so don't kid yo-self, you ain't gonna get nowhere.

Tallant's the QB, Castro on the kick and Evans will make you cry.

We got a lot at stake, reputations to keep.... the tradition of winning is ours.

There is Henry, Stephens and Jordan (Kirk) Patrick, you'll get your a-- kicked! Bleep! Ooops I got carried away.

McGlothin knows what I mean.... Roy, Mangum and Johnson too, they all make up the team.

Ain't one bruh does it, they all work together, Alcoa for life you better know.

Ya'll think you are summin' but you ain't seen nothin' til you've seen THE Tornadoes touchdown.... that's how we roll, bringin' all our friends and this years gonna be the same.

We did six years past and we'll do it again, you gonna remember our name.

So here comes the boom and we'll make it snow because you know what they say in the stands....... The end zone is the place to go...... Alcoa's gonna make it snow, make it snow, make it snow!

WE. ARE. ALCOA. #TooHype

GOOOOOO TORNADOES!!! Legggooo............

I Throw My Hands Up In The Air Sometimes Sayin....

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I can't take it anymore. I can't bite my tongue anymore. Leggggoo!

As I sit here writing this blog I know that it will probably offend some, some will probably blow it off as nothing and others will take it to heart. Some will probably not give it another thought because I've not won their respect and others will remember things they have said in the past and think to themselves (hopefully)... "maybe I shouldn't have said that". Whatever the outcome is, this is my blog and basically, I own my words, this is the United States, we have freedom of speech and we can voice our opinions. So, having said that, if you offend easily I would advise you to rethink going any further. ~Why do my blogs seem to come with a disclaimer?~

I have a diverse group of friends. I have friends who are Catholic, some are even Priests. I have many Christian friends, some attend the church every time the doors are open and others have a personal relationship with God and are content with that and have never set foot in a church. Who am I to judge. I also have friends who are Agnostic, Wiccan... one of which is a Priest. Yes, as you can imagine that has lead to some very interesting conversations. We both agree to agree to disagree... respectfully. I have friends who are Atheist, some who are Jewish and so on and so on. I also have friends from different ethnic backgrounds. For a lil' country small town girl I do get around, huh? Stay still, don't go anywhere I actually do have a point to all this jabbering..... of which I was just interrupted and forgot. Oh my I LOVE ADD!! Oh yes~

So, I dearly cherish what each person has brought to my life. I love some dearly, care deeply for others, tolerate a few and avoid a couple like the plague. Yeap, I said it. No matter where the person falls into category I try to take something from each. I respect each of these people as individuals and I respect their personal values. None of them can say that I have ever disrespected either... on purpose. Being the good lil' Christian person that I was taught to be... I have kept my mouth shut, hand tightly over my mouth and tongue tightly bitten when I've been made fun of and mocked for being a Christian... among other things... and quite frankly... It. Gets. Old. No, I am NOT perfect. Not by any means. And some how, this is used against Christians. We are judged by the same standards that others mock. I just don't get that. I fail constantly. I fall short of perfection every moment of every day and I will for the rest of my life. That's just part of being human. I don't plan to, I don't purposely do it, it just is. I set a bad example from time to time. And I know this. I am ashamed for this. But it happens. Knowing who I am I will probably regret some of this blog. But in this moment I need to get this out. It's also pretty arrogant to think anyone will actually read this blog but I'm hoping that someone will, and perhaps it might make them reconsider their words and what it might mean to another person. So in short, please, if you are my FRIEND... if you really feel you are a friend to me.... can you respect me enough to not call a day I hold sacred in my heart grave robbers day.... or refer to my religious beliefs as "fairy tales" (I am not necessarily calling anyone out here I am using this as an example) .......

...... or even beyond that: Can you NOT insult the very people who I have grown up with my entire life? The farmers, the rednecks, the mountain "folk"...... the southerners. We're not as backward and stupid as you think. We have feelings, we love, we laugh, we get mad and we write blogs about it. I have a friend on Twitter whose handle is NoJudgingWords. Wouldn't it be wonderful if EVERY SINGLE TIME someone was about to make an ignorant or hurtful statement they'd stop and think... is this a judgement toward someone? Is this hurtful or insulting?

This blog did not start out and was not intended to be entirely about religion, I'm not sure how it went in that direction. Even as I go back and read it I'm slightly confused. My rant began because of an entirely different subject and ended here. Wow! Again, SO ADD!! And SO southern... you know we usually do take the long way around a subject when getting to the point. I absolutely LOVE that about us, it makes for some great stories!

My rant was circling around to this..... WHY do people move to the south and expect us to be like the north? I do not get that and probably... as long as I live will never understand it. Why do people move to small towns and then complain about how "small town" it is. HELLO.... it's a small town?!? *major eyeroll* IF you wanted a big metro northern town perhaps moving somewhere north of the Mason Dixon OUT of the Bible Belt and into a major metropolitan area would have been the intelligent thing to have attempted?I'm justsayin!! I dunno, call me a realist.

Wow, that felt SOOOO good!

Now that I have probably isolated a fairly large group of people with my rant I guess I am somewhat finished..... a person can only be quiet for so long and if you know me well you know I have kept quiet for a very very long time..... and if you know me very well you realize just how very difficult this was. I'm a simple girl that tries to give far more than she receives, with a lot of opinions that tries to stay very much under the radar ..... and in some worlds I probably do.... others, not so much. Point is, I try. And I will try again tomorrow when this blog is long since forgotten............

Silly girl, why do you do the things you do......

Well apparently it's because I'm not very fond of myself, or so I've learned on Oprah today. I'm not a big fan of Oprah. I don't agree with a lot of her views and the way she's handled her influence over others on a lot of topics...... anyway, this isn't about my disapproval or approval of Oprah. Today's Oprah show was about a book called "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. I identified with so many of the thoughts brought up. They discussed how our disapproval of ourselves comes out in things we say and do. Simple habits, eating, the way we dress.... we torture ourselves because of our weight and equate this with happiness. In other words we defeat ourselves in almost everything we do by just our own feelings about our bodies. Ok, I related it to this. I would love to wear sleeveless shirts/dresses. They are SO comfortable and especially cool for summer. I don't wear them because I'm not comfortable with the size of my arms and the lack of muscle tone. (I have really cruel names for this that I can't bring myself to say here, my closest friends/family have heard it tho) In other words if I were skinny and toned I would have a RIGHT to wear sleeveless things and be comfortable but because I view myself the way I do, I'm not WORTHY of comfort. THIS SO MAKES SENSE!

So okay, I agree that this is a huge breakthrough on how I feel about myself but how do I change it. In my opinion the only way is to lose weight and tone up. Geneen Roth implies in the show that the reverse is actually the key. Change your views about yourself, love yourself and see your self-worth and then the weight loss and changes will come. There is no need for "diets".

I'm not so sure I can see this happening for me, but I can see that there is a lot of truth in this theory. I can see how I am self destructing and how many others are because of the negative feelings we harbor about our bodies. They're talking about how food is a substitute for something, some emotion, we are missing in our lives. Food is "the middle man" and is the drug, not the problem..... being over weight is a symptom of the problem. All this makes perfect sense when you relate it to street drugs or alcohol. Its a symptom, an outward sign, not the actual disease or problem.

A lot to think about, enough to prompt me to read more. I know I need to love myself more. I know I need to have a more positive image of myself. I know I'm worth it......... sometimes easier to type/say than to live.

TTFN

Shoutout to my son..... here is my response to: Sunday shoes, cap and gown....

all your friends gathered round. You worked so hard, waited so long and it all comes down to this. You think its so sad, friends growing apart but what you don't know is this. You keep the ones that are true, don't cry, they're all there within you. You made each other who you all are with laughter, fights and tears. Now take a step back son and soak it all in because this is the first day of your life. ~~~Mom

"Sunday shoes, Cap and Gowns"

Brad Parker ~ "Sunday shoes, cap and gowns. The whole town gathered around. Waited 18 years now its all comin down to this. I scanned the crowd and it fills my soul, my best friends all here in rows. No turnin back, now its time to walk that line. This tassels gonna turn, but when the moment passes by, we'll just walk away, then slowly grow....apart. But I'm not gonna cry, no not one sad or happy tear I've waited all my life"


This was in response to Bradley's shout out on his Facebook page. I think I'm probably feeling a lot of the same emotions he is this week but for different reasons. I'm so excited for him. I'm almost giddy at times. But there is a sadness, for him and for myself. We know some of those kids will walk away from that stage Friday night and the bonds they shared a few minutes before will be broken and never cross again. Others will be friends for a few years, try to keep in touch and ultimately life will happen, people will get married, have families and the bonds that were are no more. But there will be those few...... very few people that will remain as close in the years to come as they are at this very moment. They will go days, months without interacting but when they see each other they will instantly connect. They will pick up from the moment time left them last. Those are the friends that last a lifetime, the ones you can call at 2AM because your world just changed and you needed to tell somebody. I have a friend like that, her name is Stephanie. We have loved, hated, laughed, plotted and cried all with equal passion. We have been best friends and worst enemies. We have been to the darkest places on earth together and celebrated in the most beautiful. We have both answered and received that 2AM phone call because our lives had forever changed and there was NO ONE who would understand. So for all these emotions I feel along with my son. He hasn't seen the other side, he doesn't know what is to come. He doesn't realize that the true friends or friend will be the one that matters and that he or she will still be there in those years to come. He will one day. For now, excitement about college. Oh my college!!! He's started the first day of his life this Friday.... his childhood is over, if what I've taught him hasn't stuck its not going to matter now..... the very first steps of HIS life. Isn't that awesome! Sad for mommy but awesome at the same time. So I wanted to do a tribute to him and his friends. I guess that shoutout will become a part of it. Thanks for letting me ramble as always and if you made it this far go pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and enjoy. So, TTFN..... til next time.....

Ladies and Gentlemen we are gathered here

today to get thru this thing called .... life! Yes, I just quoted Prince! I'm in a 80's kinda mode. BigMack's prom is this month, we're going for his tux fitting in the morning and I'm just in that kind of mood. Hence, the Prince lyrics.

We have a HUGE line of events.......... BigMack's birthday is the 5th, then prom, then graduation and graduation parties. I'm excited yet saddened at the same time. I'm happy that he's graduating and is excited about college. I'm glad that he's starting his life and even tho there are still two little ones at home, I can't help but be sad. He's my baby!!! He's not suppose to be going to college! *le sigh*

I have again seen the evidence that my two youngest are in fact related to their father. Not that there was any doubt but I mean cold hard evidence. These two are so dramatic. BigMack is also but geezz, the lil ones act just like their dad. Yes, yes I did just call my husband a drama queen and I'll admit that to anyone.

(enter stage right)

Smallfryz: I am so mad at you, (positions fainting couch) get out of my life.

(exit stage left, stomps off, slams door, door hits head, enters stage right)

You all need to jus' get out of my life "foweva". I am mad, you made me "huwt muself"now leave, get out.

(exits stage left, curtain)

Thank you, we'll be here all week!!

*note to self, buy a fainting couch

TTFN!

Welcome to limbo world.......

Or as I like to call it, hell. I just learned that a friend of ours father was apparently given a terminal diagnosis. He shared that he wasn't prepared to only have his father around for approximately just another 180 days. This hits home, I haven't blogged in a while because of this very situation. Some of you will know this, for some it will be new..... My dad became ill last October and was admitted to the hospital. He was a cancer survivor of two years and was experiencing back pain, extreme fatigue and lack of appetite. As you have already guessed, his cancer was back. But it wasn't just back and manageable. He was in Stage 4 colo-rectal metastatic cancer. By the time they had found it (after a number of doctors and ER visits) the cancer had spread everywhere... his bones, liver, lungs and lymph nodes. He was in the hospital for two weeks and then thru a series of horrible events, he came home to be with me. Now don't take this wrong, I wanted my daddy to come home with me from day one. However, in order for this to happen he was hurt in the process by someone he loved dearly. This person (thing/witch/demon) wasn't deserving of his love but regardless received it. So I'm going to make a very long story short, hopefully. He was diagnosed the first of October and my daddy passed away Dec 9, 2009. We thought we had at least 9-12 months with dad. He felt like he would have a year or two. We knew in our hearts it wouldn't be long but never in my wildest thoughts did I think I would lose my dad in just two short months!

At this point, when someone you love receives this kind of news, that they only have so much longer to live..... I'm not sure if you are ceasing to live at that point also or if you're just holding your breath. Whichever, its not normal, nothing is. Simple statements regarding future plans are uttered with regret. I remember at Thanksgiving I asked my dad what he wanted for Christmas. He responded, under his breath where he thought I wouldn't hear, "I won't be here Christmas". I chose to ignore it and go on as he intended and "didn't" hear it. You feel guilty about everything you do that revolves around living. Maybe its different when the loved one lives with you, I don't know. It's like we were all practicing to die. Waiting to die, maybe? I don't know. I can't even describe it and I just went through it.

My dad asked me several times about how I was doing and how I was handling all "this". I always responded that I was fine and we'd be ok. I WISH that I had said.......... Dad you are one of my best friends and I love you SO much. I can not imagine life without you and I don't want to. I absolutely HATE this is happening and it pisses me off that it is. I'm not mad at you, I don't even know who or what I'm mad at. I just know that sometimes the anger consumes me and I want to hurt something or someone so bad!" That's what I wish I had told him. I wish that I had told him that I will never go a day without missing him. I wish that I had said all these things so that I would never doubt if he knew how much I love him. I didn't say these things because I didn't want to upset him. I didn't want to get him emotionally upset. I never stopped to think that maybe not saying it upset him more. Now I'll never know.

I thought that by hiding my emotions, by crying in the car or the bedroom....or the shower that I was protecting him. I didn't want him to see the stress. He already felt bad enough relying on us for so much. Altho I tried convincing him that he had supported me in so many ways my entire life that it was his turn to be taken care of he never stopped trying to find ways to help. My daddy was a proud man, a hard worker his whole life, he could not have accepted that he couldn't provide for himself. Another thing he didn't understand is that we felt blessed to have him with us. My kids got to spend more time with him in two months than they had in two years because of circumstances that surrounded who he lived with. I LOVED the time I had with my dad. I just wish I had done it better.

So all this to say, I have learned that when you love someone and they're given a terminal illness; there is no right or wrong. I believe that no matter what you will always second guess yourself, you will always have regrets and you will not be able to undo them. This makes me reflect now to everyday life.......... we should NEVER leave something undone. Never leave someone we love not knowing how we feel toward them. It sounds so cliche' but until you've been in my shoes, you don't realize how literal those words are.

Wow, its funny how even on a good day such as today...... my 7yr wedding anniversary, that grief and loss can sneak up on you and kick you in the butt! So I'm going to leave the sadness here, with ya'll until another day when I can sort thru it all and I'm going to enjoy an evening with my husband and family.